Random Rant about Plants

Time for a random rant. I really love plants and for many reasons. Now for the pet-peeve.

I have some things to say about people who buy plants and then leave them in those hideous plastic planters/pots they bought them in.

What the fuck is wrong with you? When you buy a hamster do you leave it wrapped in the box it came in? What about your cutlery? Do you leave that in the garish plastic it was packaged in too or do you have the five seconds and minimum of class it requires to remove it and put it the-fuck-away?

And what the hell is the god-damn point of buying the plant – a decorative piece if ever there was one – if you are just going to leave it languishing in a pot too small and so ugly that even a gnat wouldn’t use it.

Its called terra-cotta, fiberglass, porcelain, plaster, and glass mutha-fucka! And yes, if you insist on plastic because you’re a cheap piece of shit you can even get that in something other than shit-home-depot-brown!

And no you cannot use only terra-cotta. Terra-cotta is reserved for the conservatory, green-house, or patio bitch! And generally for plants that require a shit-ton of moisture and good drainage. So take five god-damn seconds and choose something that looks like it wasn’t scavenged from the dumpster of a fucking Walmart or the shit-pile behind a hobo collective.

And don’t tell me, ‘I kill everything, plants hate me!’. Bullshit! Plants don’t hate you. You’re just an idiot! There are about a thousand species of plant that can thrive in the worst of human habitations with minimum light, care, and water once every two fucking weeks. You can care for a dog, a baby, and remember your fucking skin regimen but you can’t pick up a god-forsaken watering can once every 14 days? Fuck you retard, and kill yourself cause a chimpanzee can handle this crap.

Is that a homophobic/sexist remark I just heard? Did you just seem to imply that gardening is only for the meek, mild, and feminine? Then I guess living in a cave among noxious fumes and harmful chemicals and a dirth of oxygen and fresh air is for the strong and masculine. AND STUPID! you big toolbag!

Plants are about survival mutha-fucka! They remove chemicals like ammonia and provide you, you selfish bitch, with clean, fresh air and abundant oxygen so your useless ass can breath easy. Not to mention the calm, elegance, and beauty they add to any drab interior.

No get the fuck up, and buy a plant and re-pot it in something your grandmother wouldn’t want to take a shit in!

Examples of beautifully potted plants…

Now isn't that lovely?

Now isn’t that lovely?


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