Russia’s Stupidly Gay Position on Gays

DISCLAIMER: I recognize not ALL Russians are idiots. I am, after all, married to a genius. Some actually manage to educate themselves on issues pertaining to sexuality. But most of them don’t. Though remember, this diatribe is equally applicable to homophobes the world over, including the USA. Muscovites serve only as my primary example since Moscow is where I live and it is among these people, numerous young and old students of English ranging in the middle class to wealthy sphere, that I have surveyed and discussed these matters with. All this being said, it is also true that I have met some real gems in Moscow who have a real desire to learn more about human sexuality and have taken a personal interest in learning and asking questions despite the bullshit.


It is not as though I think America is a bastion of acceptance and ‘live and let live’ policies but compared to Russia…it is. This one is for the assholes in Russia who fancy themselves all kinds of open-minded and tolerant but who, after having been asked their opinion, expose themselves for the ignorant douche bags they truly are.

I am not talking about country Siberians here…that’s right, I am talking about Muscovites. In order for me to find the powerful stupidity and ignorance I encounter on the daily regarding human sexuality in Moscow, I would have to travel to Salt Lake City, Utah to find its American equivalent.

Here is a list of the most common opinions regarding gays. If you’re from a more enlightened country then you may feel a little like you’ve just traveled back in time because for most of us, this shit hasn’t been taken seriously since the fifties. (Remember, these are ostensibly educated and middle to upper class people we are talking about – city-goin’ folk and shit.)

  1. I don’t personally have a problem with gays but why do they have to force their sexuality on me?

The only groups of people that have ever institutionally forced their sexuality on anyone have been rapists and ignorant heterosexuals. Beating and sodomizing people to death for possible homosexuality (such as in Volgograd last year), creating laws which restrict free speech about a given topic (the infamous anti-gay propaganda laws), and conflating same-sex partnerships with pedophilia (as Putin did during the Olympic games), is a form of social policing that certainly qualifies as coercion to conform to a heterosexist social norm. I have yet to hear of gay couples forcing straight people to rape members of the same sex or laws forbidding straight people from being honest about their affections.

  1. Gay people shouldn’t be allowed to adopt children because then they will teach their children to be gay.

This might be the dumbest load of horse-shit I have ever heard in my life, exposing the powerful stupidity of people everywhere who subscribe to it. Like just about every gay person that has ever existed I was raised by a heterosexual couple. Surprise, homosexuality is not a socially conditioned phenomenon. Sexuality is highly complex and has both genetic and social factors that influence it. But there is no such thing as ‘training’ to be gay. There is also an overwhelming abundance of scientific research from the most enlightened nations on the planet (namely Europe and North America) that have collectively rejected this very adolescent concept of the ‘gay recruiter’. And in case you’re wondering, thousands of gay couples have raised functioning straight children – in countries where it is allowed.

  1. Now that the West has legalized gay marriage and protected gay rights, more people are becoming gay.

The level of mental retardation that thrives within this country’s borders surprises even those familiar with such scholars as Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly. The growing visibility of gay people in politics, media, and culture is a direct result of increased legal and social recognition and legitimacy in the West. Gay people do not just materialize when being gay is socially sanctioned. A magical tractor beam does not appear in the sky and start populating your country with gays the moment you are no longer persecuting them – but they do stop pretending to be someone else when they don’t have to worry as much about a bigoted, paranoid, and very insecure heterosexual person becoming hysterical and killing them.

  1. Homosexuality is unnatural – we know this because they cannot have children. 

Not true and not true again. First of all, many people cannot biologically have children. Your grandparents more than likely are no longer fertile and some people are born sterile or become so after an illness or accident. So if you cannot reproduce you shouldn’t be allowed to have a relationship? Really? And what about adoption? Can gay couples not adopt children and raise lovingly those that many heterosexual ‘parents’ wantonly gave birth to and then abandoned? As for the ‘it’s unnatural’ argument, I cannot imagine anything more imbecilic to say since homosexuality is in fact pervasive in nature. Not only that, even if homosexuality could not be found in nature – rape, murder, cannibalism and much more can be and in abundance. So if you are going to use good ol’ Mother Nature as your qualifier, be careful. That street runs both ways.

  1. But if everyone was gay the human race would die out.

Oh my good lord…how stupid are you? Everyone isn’t gay and most people do not deviate from heterosexual relations. Unless you believe legalization will suddenly turn you into a homosexual. Are you a latent homosexual? I didn’t think so.

Last time I checked Spain and Sweden still have people in them. And we have already established that relationships are not exclusively for reproduction. And I might also add we have more people on this planet than we can feed and more children than we have people to care for them. And to be clear, most ‘gay’ people are not exclusively gay. Human sexuality actually defies this kind of binary categorization.

Many people are capable of finding a HUMAN BEING attractive without obsessing over their genitals – but the difference is often who you prefer to have long standing relationships with. On top of all this, you are not entitled to others being reproductive. I do not have to produce children to make you feel better about the future of the human race. It is, in fact, not a right of yours that others have children and spread the good word. People can choose NOT to have children, and plenty of heterosexual couples do just that. So maybe you should talk to them if you’re so fucking worried about it.

  1. I’m cool with it, I just don’t like it when they hit on me.
Yeah, cuz I would get with this when I could...(below)

Yeah, cuz I would get with this when I could…(below)

...get with this. That makes sense...

…get with this. That makes sense…

Really? You must be pretty fucking hot to be so awash with the attentions of gay boys all the time. More likely than not you haven’t been hit on by a gay man, and if you were, again, more likely than not, when you made it clear you weren’t interested said gay man walked away. Because unlike many a heterosexual man who struggle to take a clue from a disinterested lady, gay men don’t waste their time with straight men. Mostly that is… In any case, stop fucking flattering yourselves. In the same way you aren’t hot for every lady in town, so too are gay men capable of discriminating between the lusty and dusty.


One Comment on “Russia’s Stupidly Gay Position on Gays

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